11 Signs: Is it Time To Break Up?

This season of Tamar and Vince explores the reasons that led Tamar to filing for divorce. We help you decide if it is time to break up.

14 June 2018

We know break ups can feel like certain death, death of what could have been, but it’s important to realise that ended relationships aren’t failures. The truth is not every relationship, even happy ones will or should go on forever. We help you figure out if it’s time to say goodbye.

Living in the Present

If you find yourself not living in the present, it could be a sign that the end is nigh. Are you constantly thinking about the good old times? Or is your favourite phrase as soon as: As soon as bae isn’t stressed at work, as soon as bae is ready to commit as soon as bae changes it’ll be great? Chances are that won’t happen. You need to decide if you’re happy with bae as is or if it’s time to get stepping.
 

Growing Apart

Maybe you really clicked when you were younger but find that now you’re two completely different people. You now have different interest, friends, dreams and all you share is your shared history? Notably this is a difficult reason to break up with someone because essentially no one is at fault and you both still care for each other but the you need to think of what’s best for the people you are now instead of the people you were.

Different Directions

Do you have a lack of common plans for the future? If you are planning to take completely different paths and your paths will never collide again, it’s compassionate to end things earlier rather than later. If you hope your partner will change their mind about having kids, getting married, relocating, religion or personal values, DON’T. Either discuss what you’re willing to compromise on or cut your losses. Sometimes there is a lot of love but life decides to take you on different paths and it’s sad but the pain shall pass.

You Have Changed for the Worst

Do you no longer like who you are? When you lie asleep at night and reflect on your life, do you no longer recognise the person you’ve become and on top of that, you don’t like this new person? Relationships can either make us better versions of ourselves but some also bring out the worst in us. If you don’t like your new found disposition and can’t remember the last time you were genuinely happy the relationship isn’t for you.

Laziness and Lack of Effort

A relationship is WORK. It is built every day, over and over again by both people in the relationship. If you used to go on picnics, movie dates, hikes, plan holidays, cook for each other and look after each other when you were ill and now you can barely text each other back. You need to re-evaluate your relationship. Maybe you’re not trying because deep down the relationship isn’t worth much.

It is important that both of you are committed to making it work and you both work on it everyday, a good relationship is reciprocal. If you are the only one trying and bae is telling you that things are fine, or that there is no problem or even worse that you should fix the problem, you need to ask yourself why are you trying?

Unresolved Conflicts

Do you find yourself trying and trying but you keep fighting over everything and repeating some fights? When arguments arise with increasing frequency and you both fight dirty, it’s not healthy for either of you. If you are using the opportunity to let your resentment run high instead of finding a solution, you will keep in the toxic cycle until kingdom come. If you can't resolve the fight, dissolve the relationship.

Abuse

If you partner is abusive either sexually, physically and mentally you need to leave now. Missing the person is normal and mourning the good parts of the relationship is normal, but never go back. If your relationship is a minefield and you feel as if take one wrong step you could end up with your leg blown off you need to leave now. You can’t live your life waiting for explosions.

Saving Someone in the Relationship

Is your bae always blaming their ex for their behaviour, disposition, insecurities etc? It is not a healthy relationship where one person is always the knight in shining armour and the other is always the damsel in distress, where the knight is always saving, healing, protecting and solving their partner’s problems. What is likely to happen is the damsel might heal and no longer need the knight.

You Love the Idea of Person and Not the Person

There is big difference between the idea of something and how something actually is. You can’t fall in love with something that is a figment of your imagination. You need to break up.

You’re Just Not Happy

Sometimes everything is perfect but your heart just says no. You’re just not happy, you’re not inspired or excited and you find yourself going through emotional warfare. Bae is great and you wish you were happy but you’re not and that is no one’s fault but you shouldn’t remain in the relationship out of guilt, it’s not fair to either of you.

You Came to this Article Looking for a Reason to End Your Relationship

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